IMPOSTER SYNDROME
I had been offered an amazing opportunity that both scared and excited me. I could not believe I had gotten it. My experience as a millennial in an economic recession had taught me not to be hopeful about any job applications, regardless of what was on my CV. In the past, I had applied for so many jobs that I knew I was overqualified for to earn a living, degrees be damned. I was not above working at Starbucks. But this one was entirely different. I wanted this opportunity more than anything. Finally. I practically skipped into work on the first day. With determination on my face, I swiped my way through the glass doors. And then the anxiety set in. My old friend.
Oh, God. What if I'm not good enough? Are they going to realise they've hired the wrong person? How long until they fire me because I can't do the job? It's only a matter of time before they haul me into an office, shake my CV in my face, and ask whose identity I stole. Who do I think I am?
Am I a lie?
Day three. I have not yet caused the company to burn down. The head of my department calls me into his office for a chat. Before I even utter a word, he says, "Storme, when I first got this job, I couldn't believe it. Every day I kept thinking they were going to discover I was a fraud and was not right for the job. It's only that self-doubt that is going to hold you back from achieving what you're capable of in your professional life. You can do this job. I know it. Your CV says so. I hired you for a reason. That is all."
I was stunned. How did my boss know this was exactly how I felt?
It was not because my poker face needed work. The truth is that feeling like the proverbial cuckoo in the nest is not uncommon, and it has a name - impostor syndrome. The New York Times has recently published an article on the psychological phenomenon. Wikipedia describes it as "referring to high-achieving individuals marked by an inability to internalize their accomplishments and a persistent fear of being exposed as 'fraud.' Despite external evidence of their competence, those exhibiting the syndrome remain convinced that they are frauds and do not deserve the success they have achieved. Proof of success is dismissed as luck, timing, or as a result of deceiving others into thinking they are more intelligent and competent than they believe themselves to be."
It is okay, healthy even, to have a small amount of self-doubt. It is when that self-doubt and anxiety overwhelms you that there is a problem. After all, as the Nobel Prize winning philosopher Russell Bertrand once lamented:
"The fundamental cause of the trouble is that in the modern world the stupid are cocksure while the intelligent are full of doubt."
A sprinkle of humility, self-doubt and skepticism can be a productive thing. As a risk analyst, my role is to constantly challenge and ask questions. How can this be better? What does the data tell us? Is the assumption behind the calculation correct in the first place? If you are overconfident and one hundred percent self-assured, you probably will not improve or ask the hard questions because you do not think you need to.
We live in an age where an unprecedented amount of people suffer from varying forms of anxiety and self-doubt - a modern day plague. At the very least, there is something immensely comforting about finding out that you are not alone. A hurdle to overcoming impostor syndrome is that no one, especially not a corporate professional, wants to admit that they feel that way for fear of giving the impression of weakness. However, I would argue that understanding your fears and where they come from is a strength. Once something is acknowledged, steps may be taken to deal with it and even harness it.
The trick is to try to learn to embrace your impostor syndrome - that lurking doppelgänger in a mask. Understand the facts and fears it is based on, but equally what it is not.
